History

Anger is not an addition in your daily mathematical problem. It is an exponent. It multiplies whatever you are doing. More than anything it serves as a vehicle for isolation. When you have already been isolated by injury, Anger creates a real sense of hopelessness.
Steven Tobolowsky, the Tobolowsky files podcast

December 09
My neighbor asked me to come work in their optical. I thought they were crazy. I was a hair stylist. I said no. They asked again. And again and one more time. (Right now, looking back I think I accepted because it kept coming up, maybe there was something to that. But now I wonder if I should have said no one last time.) I worked there for a year and a half. I enjoyed it so much. I was the buyer. I managed the inventory. And I was Good at that. I also cut the lenses. I loved my job. One year later they expanded the office. I helped anywhere I could. While moving my work multiple times. Finally in a new location I set up my work space. And I thought things were going well. Except for one new component. The doctors wife.

My long time friend started coming into the office to check on the remodel. But then started running everything. She started whittling away at the things I enjoyed about my job to make room for little things that any of the 4 other employees had more time and resources to do anyway. She is excessively into details. The way I explain it is she pulls out one puzzle piece and questions it to death wanting to complete the puzzle without ever looking at the rest of the pieces.

Her management style brought tension, stress and second guessing everything in the office. One of the girls started stirring everyone up against this making everything worse. It finally came up with my friend. I spoke to my friend As a friend to let her know that the office was very tense. I was scared and didn't say what I wanted to very well. In the end I brought up the problem that the other girls wanted addressed. Then when it was brought to them they back peddled, leaving me hanging. I was given the following choice.

"The other ladies said they still like you and would be alright if you stayed. But if you thought I micromanaged before I will be over you with everything you do. Or you can choose to leave"

I saw no choice there. That was the last time I had any association with that friend. I felt like 7 years of friendship, trust, help, traded-best friend children meant nothing to the discomfort of truth. To something totally fixable.

June 2012
Since then we moved to bountiful, we like it here. And just before we moved I got a job in an optical in West Valley. Much different running style with a doctor that was mostly concerned with the money he took home to his 3 million dollar house. After 3 months his business was doing the normal end of summer slow down. He was worried. Out of the blue one day called me in and let me go.

March 2013
Another optical job came up. In Cottonwood Heights. It seemed wonderful at first. But very different from my training. They had a strong lens cutter and kept no real inventory list. The owner started training me but then stopped talking to me. She had so much garbage at home that she would carry in. It got to where she would only talk to me when I made a mistake and not to teach me or help me.

April 16, 2013
I walked into work and she said "it's just not working."

This was alright. I have started some serious anxiety meds since working there. There was a lot of alcohol moving through that office. No one went to church. And there were so many drug stories within the families of those I worked with. I almost wonder if my "death Nell" was when asked "Do you have all of these problems in your family?" I could honestly answer -No-

So again. I am out of a job. It is really hard to not wonder what is wrong with me. And I do want to do some of that so that I can learn, reset and restart. But the nasty voices in my head work their hardest too.

I am looking back and wondering if that first 4 times I said No was where I should have stayed with that? We would probably have not moved which I think we needed. Am I a total, screw up or have I just been in bad situations.

Maybe optical is not for me.
But then

I am an excellent buyer.
I Rock at inventory,
I Rock at frame adjusting.
I am very good at helping people select.

I hate insurance and dealing with money. That's where i struggle. But I'm getting closer to figuring it out. If only someone would train me. Because quite honestly I have done ALL of the above on VERY little training. And I love working in the optical.